The hospitls dont like me...they think I'm a homicidal axe weilding manic!

Well. I have a job. But I don't. Which is why I have just got off the phone speaking to a very polite woman on the Job Centre plus phone line. Well, I am sure that I made a different phone call from the average caller. Still, I am deep in the mire with money (Well, deeper then normal). I have £60 left on my overdraft limit.

So, rather then go under, I reluctantly have had to claim the "Dole". This is a situation which I really did not want to have happen. However, events outside of my control have forced my hand. More Hobson's choice really, though a choice of a sort. I have out-waited my CRB check it seems. Until there is a CRB check which confirms that I am not a child molesting, axe wielding homicidal manic from Borstal, both hospitals acceptance procedures have ground to a halt.

Yes, I am facing a dilemma about which job to accept. The short solution is to see who phones me up first and says "Can you start on date X". The whole reason I took the first job was that they simply happened to be the first ward to phone up and say "We are offering you a job". Still, I am sure they given the high standard of care I give it is only Fair they have first dibs on me. That was before another ward phoned up and gave another offer. Now I have a problem.

Hospital A phoned me up first. They are offering me 37.5 hours a week and a permanent contract. However, Hospital A is 23 miles from where I live. It will mean two long bus rides. I have not worked at hospital A before, though have experience in the speciality. Hospital A is a foundation trust hospital. While the building was constructed in 1968, it is earmarked for demolition and moving to a very nice village in the next few years with a merger of another nearby hospital from the same trust.

Hospital B is the hospital I trained at. They are offering me 6 months contract (temporary) and 30 hours a weeks. Hospital B is closer, though I have not worked on this ward. I have experience of allied services to the speciality though. There was suggestion of permanent staff being taken on. However, these posts were advertised on Monday.

I also have two interviews comming up. One in the same division as my last placement, and one in the community hospital ward where I was for placement 1.

Now. Who to choose. Hospital A sent me a letter with the conditional offer in writing and have taken my CRB form and documents. After finally finding a (crappy looking) passport size photo, my occupational health forms have been sent in.

Hospital B have sent me nothing. I phoned them on Tuesday and was told that all the paperwork is with HR and that I will not hear anything until they send a contract out. Hospital B suggested that if the CRB check takes too long that they may start me off mid/late-April and await the CRB check. Were to be anything untoward on the CRB check, my employment would terminate. There will be nothing on the CRB check as nothing has never shown up on all the other CRB checks that have been done on me with my voluntary work, and uni. All were enhanced disclosures as well.

Hospital A however, have said that they want the CRB check back first. THEN I shall be contacted by the ward manager with a start date. This could take up to another 5 weeks (assuming 6 weeks maximum as quoted by hospital A staff records department). So, in short, I have two job offers, no firm start date, nothing clear with who is best to say yes to, and I have run out of money and have had to join the list of Nurses on the dole. Which, leads me to the best part.

St John Ambulance had a delay in sending off my CRB form. That went off 3 weeks ago. Apparently, neither hospital can use St John Ambulance's Enhanced disclosure check because "They are only valid on the day of issue". Indeed. But as it would take 24 hours minimum to post it through, that means their one is just as invalid. And seeing as I am writing this at home in my bedroom cursing the rain as opposed to a Police cell, it is safe to say I have not beaten a tramp to death with a traffic cone in an underpass. However, if I do that AFTER the check, all would be fine and well and I am classed as a safe staff nurse. That is assuming I actually ever get cleared to start on the sodding ward. That's the next problem. In their welcome propaganda, Hospital A (who at least has the courtesy to write as opposed to Hospitals B, being the mere Acute trust that they are who have sent diddly squat) state that "On your first day of employment you will attend the trust induction". That's nice, you throw a special induction day just for me! Then you read the last paragraph: "As a new employee of Hospital A foundation NHS trust, you must attend the trust induction day. This is held on the first Monday of each month. This will become your official start date. Your actual date will be confirmed after that. The training department will contact you in due course". Ah-ha. So, all I need is a letter saying I have to attend the first Monday for induction and I am almost there! Well, no. Because, I have not been written to yet regarding the induction on the 6th April. Anyone with a calendar will be aware that Monday 5th May is a Bank holiday. Usually, this means the meetings/courses etc are cancelled for the month AFTER So, no May (queried). Given the magical CRB must be returned before I even get to be phoned to negotiate a start, I am thinking there is more chance of aerial bacon then me getting on the April 6th induction.

Then add in the getting uniform sorted out, a staff ID badge, and off duty sorted out...

I am secretly hoping I get the job on placement 1 ward. If I do, I can stick to the 6 month job. The way this farce is playing out, it will take that long for me to be able to set foot in the door as a uniformed staff nurse!